I am really terrible at practical jokes. Awful. I either give it away before the jokes been had, or I give it away while the joke is being had. It makes me feel really really bad watching someone squirm in discomfort, akwardness, or inner turmoil at a something I personally concocted and implemented. Jeff, on the other hand, is the master schemer. He plans, he schemes until he has a brilliant plan worked out in the minutest detail so that everything is pulled off in such style and grace that he’s had me convinced he’s missed his calling as a con man. So, when our downstairs neighbor, Sara, off-handedly mentioned that her fiance, Jesse, hated horses, Jeff, in his evil mastermind, thought it would be a perfect idea to give Sara and Jesse a romantic evening at a local ranch, complete with trail rides and horse training for their wedding present, which of course would be done with the sole intent to make Jesse squirm and feel uncomfortable while accepting this seemingly generous gift. Sigh. Sorry Jesse.
See, normally, I would quietly side step my way out of this picture knowing that this sort of thing isn’t my sort of thing. But, in order for it to be good, real, tangible, Jeff needed a copy writer. And copy write I did. We needed a gift certificate, a letter, and an itinerary for this honeymoon getaway with as much emphasis and horse paraphernalia as possible, and we had ten days while Sara and Jesse were in Wisconsin getting hitched. So I picked out a ranch in western Rhode Island, took a few things off their website, wrote up some stuff, and Jeff layed it all out on professional letterhead and everything. It was a thing of beauty. Since we put a lot of effort into it, I couldn’t resist sharing it with you. Unfortunately due to the size of the blog layout, it didn’t quite work to insert the actual formatting that Jeff did, so here’s just the copy, with the name and information of the actual ranch omitted out to protect the innocent, of course.
This was the gift certificate blurb. Jeff had it with an official authorization number and signature of the “ranch manager”:
<Insert ranch name here with a possessive apostrophe ’s’> honeymoon getaways are the perfect retreat for you, the love of your life, and your love for horses. This all inclusive honeymoon package treats you and your love to a romantic weekend of horseback riding through the beautiful Arcadia park, freshwater swimming, decadent meals and a relaxing evening at the Ranch in our honeymoon suite. You will also get the rare treat to a first class horse care workshop by our trained staff, which will give you a glimpse and first-hand experience at the ins and outs of maintaining your very own horse, and teaches you the skills you need to provide a clean and comfortable barn for your equine friends.
Then, of course, we needed a letter from the ranch that expressed their knowledge of their arrival and the planned itinerary for their stay, which was awesome.
<Insert Ranch Name Here>
<Insert Ranch address here>
West Greenwich, RI 02817
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Marsh:
Congratulations on your wedding! We are excited that your friends have chosen <insert ranch name here> as your honeymoon destination. We hope that your stay will be a memorable way to start many years of marital bliss.
Enclosed you will find an itinerary for your stay. We have you scheduled to arrive Saturday, July 11th and leaving the evening of the 12th. If you have any questions or concerns, please give us a call at <insert ranch phone number here>. You can also visit our website at <insert actual ranch web address here> for directions and to find out what we’re about.
We look forward to your stay.
Sincerely,
Seth Tolstedt
Ranch Manager
Jeff, of course, made up the ranch manager’s name, and created his signature. Sounds so believable, huh. And then, the itinerary.
Itinerary and Information:
Saturday
Upon your arrival, you will get a tour of the facilities and get to know your horse. Your horse has been specially chosen for you according to your level of riding expertise. Should you have any problems during the course of your weekend stay, we will make sure to accommodate you with a fresh equine companion.
Late morning, you will begin your workshop with a professional horse trainer. You will get hands-on experience with grooming, saddling, and riding your horse.
After a hearty lunch, you’ll embark upon a 3-hour trail riding adventure with an experienced trail guide. He or she will provide you with the necessary tips and tricks to ride like a professional.
At your return, you’ll receive a quick lesson how to clean and cool down your horse, as well as brief instruction how to care for your horse’s stall.
Once your horse is ready for the night, head on over to the Ranch mess hall for a romantic dinner for the two of you and our other ranch guests.
Sunday
We’ll rise and shine early for a campfire breakfast before you hit the trail. Your trail guide will meet you at the stalls and will observe you, and help as necessary, prepare your horses.
Your morning will be spent riding through Arcadia Management Area and will end at Browning Mill Pond where your trail guide will leave you to enjoy a lovely picnic lunch.
You are welcome to return to the ranch at your leisure.
Upon your return, make sure to cool down your horse and prepare the stall as your weekend will be drawing to a close.
Things to know to prepare for your trip:
* Riding experience is helpful, but if you are in need of assistance, our experienced trail guides will be happy to help.
* You must supply your own sleeping bags and toiletries.
* Please bring clothes suitable to horseback riding and barn maintenance. Jeans are a must, long sleeves are preferred, and boots are available for rent.
* Also bring a hat to shade from sun and protect against ticks during the summer months.
* This gift certificate is non-refundable and must be used within 90 days of issuance.
Jeff put it on some nice card stock, sealed it all with wax, and then we got the whole house in on it. We wrote a little note and all signed the card. It was evil. So upon Sara and Jesse’s return, having had only a few hours of sleep from an early flight, we piled into their apartment and excitedly told Jesse to open his gift. Which he did, and read the whole thing outloud saying things like “Oh my gosh, you guys, is this for real?!” and “Are you serious?” and exclaiming how “Wow” the whole thing was. While Sara, who knew it was a prank, was nearly having a coronary from containing her laughter. When he read through the whole thing, I couldn’t handle it too much longer and explained that it was fake. And then Jesse breathed a sigh of relief and revealed that the last time he was on a horse he was 8 and cried the whole time. And he was hoping that the ranch would provide helmets.

So ends my first successful prank. But I’m not sure if I can do it again. Watching Jesse try to be excited while knowing that he was secretly dreading his weekend of bliss, was more squirming than I care to do for a while.